Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Don't Look Good, Be Good
While talking with my class to my class today we came up with the motto, "Don't look good, be good." We are in the age of looking good. We are into gear; having the right stuff. When climbing the hill the "stuff" won't get you to the top first, work will. Riding in rain, mud and snow will get you there. We are in the age of the short cut but to really be at the peace with yourself there are no short cuts. You have to work to get there and work has become a dirty word. Put in the effort to be good then you can truly feel good.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Inside and Polite
60
Where does our dysfunction come from?
Being Spoiled
Being Ignored
Being Verbally Abused
Being Physically Abused
Being taught to be fearful
How do we get out of our dysfunction?
Master the four most powerful words and one question…
Please
Thank you and
Sorry
Question to ask: How can I help?
Where does our dysfunction come from?
Being Spoiled
Being Ignored
Being Verbally Abused
Being Physically Abused
Being taught to be fearful
How do we get out of our dysfunction?
Master the four most powerful words and one question…
Please
Thank you and
Sorry
Question to ask: How can I help?
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Rose was runner up...
But her dad thinks she was the best. Rose finished second at the Optimist Club Oratorical Contest as a rookie!!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Great end to a great day!
Dave Hoglund helped me sort out the source of bad behavior in kids and I think that we nailed it down. It isn't just kids it is everyone and it is a test that goes on all the time. People put out their worst behavior to test if people will stay. It can all be traced back to abandonment issues. I have done it, we all have. I have always been fascinated by this topic and I think that with the help of my friends today we may have cornered the issue; the subconscious question of will anyone be here when the experience the worst parts of me? For people that feel like they have been abandoned or ignored must find out if anyone will be there in the end. We all are quirky, be sure to let people know that you will be there for them despite their quirks, no one is perfect.
The Source of Bad Behavior
1. There is a cloud that hangs over the person, it is a real story and a real problem.
2. They act out as a test to see if people with weather their storm- if anyone will.
3. There have to be loving but real consequences.
4. Through acknowledging this there is an awaking to this reality, enlightenment.
5. The question that was always being asked was, Will anyone stick with me despite all my faults? We all ask this and we all have done the test, it is just that most of know that someone is there; for those that don't know this, our lives can become a scary thing and panic sets in.
Case studies...
1. Rose and Owen, no TV or video games and very little bad behavior. They don't get the electronic babysitting message of "Take care of your self, entertain yourself, I got better things to do than spend time with you." This freaks kids out. It gets them wondering if anyone will be there.
2. Birthday test... Bad behavior only feeds itself, all of a sudden a kid isn't getting invited to parties and the kid starts to wonder if there is anyone there for them which only leads to more bad behavior and more testing.
3. All of this leads to the question of If my parents were to depart would anyone be there? This is a very real question and if the kid does not know then you will experience very odd behavior because they are desperately searching for someone that will be there after the storm.
4. For the longest time I couldn't understand why one of my friends threatened our relationship when I showed my bad side, and I still don't think that it was all that bad but they threatened to leave and I shot back an angry response and it went down hill from there. I think that it was a test, from maybe both of us, would the person stay when we displayed our dark side. I think that this person probably has abandonment issues and I think that I do too. This example shows how this can spiral and take away from us the very thing that we need which is authentic connection.
Reflections...
1. The storms don't have to happen if the child knows that someone will still be there. We need to let people know that we will be there.
2. No one is perfect, there needs to be grace shown to people in the sense that underneath the calm and calculating exterior there is a panicked scared person inside.
3. This is by no means a kid thing and it is only getting more rampant as technology pulls us away from real connection and lulls us into the idea that we are alone.
The Source of Bad Behavior
1. There is a cloud that hangs over the person, it is a real story and a real problem.
2. They act out as a test to see if people with weather their storm- if anyone will.
3. There have to be loving but real consequences.
4. Through acknowledging this there is an awaking to this reality, enlightenment.
5. The question that was always being asked was, Will anyone stick with me despite all my faults? We all ask this and we all have done the test, it is just that most of know that someone is there; for those that don't know this, our lives can become a scary thing and panic sets in.
Case studies...
1. Rose and Owen, no TV or video games and very little bad behavior. They don't get the electronic babysitting message of "Take care of your self, entertain yourself, I got better things to do than spend time with you." This freaks kids out. It gets them wondering if anyone will be there.
2. Birthday test... Bad behavior only feeds itself, all of a sudden a kid isn't getting invited to parties and the kid starts to wonder if there is anyone there for them which only leads to more bad behavior and more testing.
3. All of this leads to the question of If my parents were to depart would anyone be there? This is a very real question and if the kid does not know then you will experience very odd behavior because they are desperately searching for someone that will be there after the storm.
4. For the longest time I couldn't understand why one of my friends threatened our relationship when I showed my bad side, and I still don't think that it was all that bad but they threatened to leave and I shot back an angry response and it went down hill from there. I think that it was a test, from maybe both of us, would the person stay when we displayed our dark side. I think that this person probably has abandonment issues and I think that I do too. This example shows how this can spiral and take away from us the very thing that we need which is authentic connection.
Reflections...
1. The storms don't have to happen if the child knows that someone will still be there. We need to let people know that we will be there.
2. No one is perfect, there needs to be grace shown to people in the sense that underneath the calm and calculating exterior there is a panicked scared person inside.
3. This is by no means a kid thing and it is only getting more rampant as technology pulls us away from real connection and lulls us into the idea that we are alone.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Owls and Rain/Before and After
It is great to have a training partner that will go out in anything. It is even better when they live a block away. I would have never gone out without Jay. It reminds me of the old days with Scott and then with John. Those guys would go in any weather.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
New Friends and Life Lessons
These TED.com videos really have me thinking. I met Steve today on my ride with Jay H. Steve lives in Minneapolis but he said our rides sounded like fun. I told him he should get on the Cyclist. That is why I will keep posting to the Cyclist. Our group is great and it will never be perfect, nothing ever is.
I watched a video today that said esteem can be equated to the fraction successes over expectations. I can not expect perfection from myself or anyone else; if I do it will always lead to frustration. We have all been duped into thinking things should go our way. Our group is close to perfect and that is what it will forever be, close. Like Jorge says, we have the best group in town and I do believe that it is true. Let's ride and enjoy each other, enough with the myth that things can and should be perfect!!
Ride Today
I am going to ride the local for an hour at 3 this afternoon. I will be at the front of Oxbow Creek Elementary at 3.
Great Great Stuff!
It gets better!!
Great Great Stuff!
It gets better!!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Inside and tired
60, I could feel my big day on the bike last night and I gained weight after a very disciplined day. That is a little frustrating.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
I am Free
I have unsubscribed from everyone but three people on Facebook and I feel so free. Now it only posts things that I am interested in. Now when I see people I will be genuinely interested in what is going on in their life and be thrilled to hear from them, I miss that thrill. I have decided to let someone else post ride ideas to the cyclist too! I am cleaning up my electronic social networking mess and it feels great!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Local Points Race Today
Meet at the front doors of Oxbow Creek at 2 if you are interested.
(The racing portion will be very short and the slow recovery portion will be very long so any and all are welcome!)
(The racing portion will be very short and the slow recovery portion will be very long so any and all are welcome!)
Saturday, February 4, 2012
144 #1 of 2012 (hoarfrost)
I really love that loop and the company was excellent. I have been riding bike with Jay H for 15 years and have enjoyed every ride with him. The conversation is always great, we look out for each other and we are honest with each other. Over those 15 years he has truly become a brother and I look forward to many more great years of riding with him! Thanks for another great ride Jay!
Going out in style...
If you are thinking about riding this afternoon drop me a line at 763-843-2273. I am waiting to see when JH can ride and I think that we will go from there.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
144 on Saturday?
This weather is crazy! I might try and get the 144 in on Saturday afternoon. Leave a comment or drop me a line at Neil.Eerdmans@anoka.k12.mn.us if you are interested.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Consequences...
Consequences…
· Show me a sharp kid and I will show you a kid with real consequences.
· Show me a kid with consequences and I will show you a kid that knows that they are loved.
· Consequences equal love, consequences equal connection
· Show me a kid with fake consequences and I will show you a spoiled child (a mess)
· Show me a kid who can pout their way to a fake consequence and I will show you a spoiled child (a mess)
· Show me a kid with no consequences and I will show you a mess
· Show me a kid with no consequences and I will show you a kid that wonders if they are truly loved; this confusion leads to real problems because they feel ignored
· My children know they are loved because the bar is high and the consequences are real and consistent; thank goodness for my wife!
· Real consequences lead to greater connection, results and long term happiness
· Fake consequences lead to frustration, failure and long term confusion
· No consequences early leads to bigger consequences later (do you want them to come from loving adults or from the authorities?)
My kids don't like consequences and I don't like giving them but give it 15 minutes to an hour and you will feel more love and have less of a headache than if you would not have given the consequence... and this lasts for the rest of your life.
Show me an adult who does not reflect humility and love and I will show you a bitter, greedy, pessimistic person who thinks that they personally have all the answers. We adults have consequences too. (That is why we Christians are the worst offenders of all adult groups. Most of us say one thing and then do quite another and the consequence is that people see us as being full of it.)
Pitfalls of the 2000's:
We show love through things instead of through genuine connection. (Kids like the stuff initially but give it time and it leaves the kid confused.)
We have grown soft in many different areas; easy, fast and fun is right and anything else is wrong.
Solutions:
Read with your child every day. Read every day.
Voluteer together.
Keep the bar high and be clear with expectations.
· Show me a sharp kid and I will show you a kid with real consequences.
· Show me a kid with consequences and I will show you a kid that knows that they are loved.
· Consequences equal love, consequences equal connection
· Show me a kid with fake consequences and I will show you a spoiled child (a mess)
· Show me a kid who can pout their way to a fake consequence and I will show you a spoiled child (a mess)
· Show me a kid with no consequences and I will show you a mess
· Show me a kid with no consequences and I will show you a kid that wonders if they are truly loved; this confusion leads to real problems because they feel ignored
· My children know they are loved because the bar is high and the consequences are real and consistent; thank goodness for my wife!
· Real consequences lead to greater connection, results and long term happiness
· Fake consequences lead to frustration, failure and long term confusion
· No consequences early leads to bigger consequences later (do you want them to come from loving adults or from the authorities?)
My kids don't like consequences and I don't like giving them but give it 15 minutes to an hour and you will feel more love and have less of a headache than if you would not have given the consequence... and this lasts for the rest of your life.
Show me an adult who does not reflect humility and love and I will show you a bitter, greedy, pessimistic person who thinks that they personally have all the answers. We adults have consequences too. (That is why we Christians are the worst offenders of all adult groups. Most of us say one thing and then do quite another and the consequence is that people see us as being full of it.)
Pitfalls of the 2000's:
We show love through things instead of through genuine connection. (Kids like the stuff initially but give it time and it leaves the kid confused.)
We have grown soft in many different areas; easy, fast and fun is right and anything else is wrong.
Solutions:
Read with your child every day. Read every day.
Voluteer together.
Keep the bar high and be clear with expectations.
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