Dave Hoglund helped me sort out the source of bad behavior in kids and I think that we nailed it down. It isn't just kids it is everyone and it is a test that goes on all the time. People put out their worst behavior to test if people will stay. It can all be traced back to abandonment issues. I have done it, we all have. I have always been fascinated by this topic and I think that with the help of my friends today we may have cornered the issue; the subconscious question of will anyone be here when the experience the worst parts of me? For people that feel like they have been abandoned or ignored must find out if anyone will be there in the end. We all are quirky, be sure to let people know that you will be there for them despite their quirks, no one is perfect.
The Source of Bad Behavior
1. There is a cloud that hangs over the person, it is a real story and a real problem.
2. They act out as a test to see if people with weather their storm- if anyone will.
3. There have to be loving but real consequences.
4. Through acknowledging this there is an awaking to this reality, enlightenment.
5. The question that was always being asked was, Will anyone stick with me despite all my faults? We all ask this and we all have done the test, it is just that most of know that someone is there; for those that don't know this, our lives can become a scary thing and panic sets in.
Case studies...
1. Rose and Owen, no TV or video games and very little bad behavior. They don't get the electronic babysitting message of "Take care of your self, entertain yourself, I got better things to do than spend time with you." This freaks kids out. It gets them wondering if anyone will be there.
2. Birthday test... Bad behavior only feeds itself, all of a sudden a kid isn't getting invited to parties and the kid starts to wonder if there is anyone there for them which only leads to more bad behavior and more testing.
3. All of this leads to the question of If my parents were to depart would anyone be there? This is a very real question and if the kid does not know then you will experience very odd behavior because they are desperately searching for someone that will be there after the storm.
4. For the longest time I couldn't understand why one of my friends threatened our relationship when I showed my bad side, and I still don't think that it was all that bad but they threatened to leave and I shot back an angry response and it went down hill from there. I think that it was a test, from maybe both of us, would the person stay when we displayed our dark side. I think that this person probably has abandonment issues and I think that I do too. This example shows how this can spiral and take away from us the very thing that we need which is authentic connection.
Reflections...
1. The storms don't have to happen if the child knows that someone will still be there. We need to let people know that we will be there.
2. No one is perfect, there needs to be grace shown to people in the sense that underneath the calm and calculating exterior there is a panicked scared person inside.
3. This is by no means a kid thing and it is only getting more rampant as technology pulls us away from real connection and lulls us into the idea that we are alone.
0 comments:
Post a Comment